<![CDATA[
<body><script type="text/javascript">
function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) {
if(window.addEventListener) {
window.addEventListener('load',
function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false);
} else {
window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; });
}
}
</script>
<div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div>
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">
gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() {
if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) {
gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({
url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/19058593?origin\x3dhttp://december-carlotta-heavenly.blogspot.com',
where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"),
id: "navbar-iframe"
});
}
});
</script>
]]>
The LOVE that's everlasting.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Exams over. WOOOH. It doesn't feel as if exams are over. 26 August is the day i always looked forward to.
The CMSY paper was easy and I know i could do my paper, i know i could at least secure an B for it. I could sense the numbness in me, i studied alot but felt as if i didn't study enough. I can't stop myself to think about the exams. T_____T Everyone was jumping for joy about the last paper after they stepped out of the room, but i don't feel the excitement at all. I was trying to find my own mistakes and when i found out i actually got it right, i still think there are more mistakes. I have no idea whether this is called over-stressed or i studied too much, but i need to get this insecurity inside me by seeking God. Only Jesus can heal my heart. It is a great feeling when a best friend whom i can seek upon and heal my heart.It's the same as WDS, i wanted the best out of my own abilities. Right from the beginning, i am commited to get A for this subject, i did everything i can to shine, to impress the teacher, to make it as unique as possible, to be indifferent from others. I spent so many time doing photoshop, cropping and cropping, making the image transparent, countless of pictures. That week i totally neglected my ministry. It was an act of folly when i looked back. Perhaps i could have spent lesser time for my website since in the end it doesn't turn out so perfect.
It is kinda scary that i felt i wasn't as on-fire as before. I thought back how i prayed to God daily so faithfully because i want to get daily revelation from God. Even though i don't get revelation from God, i keep telling myself i must keep being faithful and He will be faithful to me. After all the projects and everything, QT is not my daily basis anymore, i am struggling for God's presence during service, sometimes i don't even feel like going for service. It was tough, really tough. I don't know what had happened to me, God seemed like just in front of me, so close to me, but yet so far, i was the one who make the distance between me and my God so far. So near but yet so far. Terrible feeling.
This morning i felt so bad about myself because i prayed for my own supplement, i prayed for my exams. i felt i am worse than a Sunday Christian. I can do so much better for my ministry. Just now when i was on the phone with my leader, she told me she heard how i didn't do well for my ministry. I thought i could get over this matter but i didn't in the first place. I know i know. i am really remorseful about that matter. I sabotaged many people T__T Don't mistook me, i am not being sarcastic about it, i was so ashamed about it. Seeing new crews doing better than me made me feel worse. They know what are their deadlines. What about me? I could have easily ruined the whole service there isn't checkthrough. Self-centered. I know what it means now.
I need to stay strong in God despite these problems and tests!
F A B U L O U S L Y.So in Love with Jesus
10:54 PM
about me
♥su shian
['_____']
LOVING LIFE
FABULOUS DAUGHTER of GOD
29.12.91
My MELODY/ KUROMI
Checkered/Plaited stuffs
POLKADOTS
TOTORO!!
Teh Bing FTW
VINTAGE/RETRO
LOVE GOD, LOVE PEOPLE, LOVE LIFE
("V")Heart of God Church <33 
B4
TALK TALK TALKKK
